These are some of the important questions to ask yourself before thinking for divorce and ending your relationship with your spouse.
Nobody marries someone being convinced that few years in the future we’d be so dissatisfied or unhappy that we’d be thinking of separation. The majority of us enter the marital phase with expectation of passion, love and stability to be present till life lasts.
However, you no longer love or feel loved by your partner, you do not see out any way to fix your relationship and want to seek a divorce. Everything is wrong in your marriage, no passion or affection and there are daily discussions that make everyone’s life a living hell. IT’S OVER! I WANT THE DIVORCE!
However, this decision has serious negative consequences for you, your partner as well as on children, if any. So before reaching to the conclusion, here are questions to ask yourself before thinking for divorce.
WHAT IS THE STRAW THAT BROKE THE CAMEL AND I DECIDED TO DIVORCE?
What it was? Why do you feel increasing distance between you and your partner? Have you both mishandled the conflicts and cannot go back by pride? Or, perhaps and is very common, you have a new affair and your feelings toward your partner are not clear. It is that you cannot compare what you feel about the new person and how you feel about the person who accompanies you and lives with you for so long. There is no passion, but you’ve ever had the same feelings for your spouse that you have for your new lover.
Search your interior, remember, relive and see if it is worth destroying all that you managed with your partner. Is there really anything that makes it worth another try? The problem is that taking your divorce may not resolve your problem. If your partner has made your life hell then maybe you should think of divorcing, but if you are leaving for a new person in life then you should re-think about it.
WHAT WILL BE THE IMPACT ON CHILDREN?
If you have children, the impact of divorce on them will be inevitable. I do not say, or even suggest, you stay in a relationship just for them which may bring guaranteed unhappiness for you. But you have to think about whether your decision is final and irrevocable. Children will suffer, that is, always. You both can discuss about the cracks that are falling your relationship apart and the effect it may have on your children. If your spouse agrees to it then you can again bring happiness your family life.
WHAT WERE THE BEST TIMES IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
Maybe if you get back to those times, you understand what went wrong and what is worth saving. When did you feel more connected with your partner? In past where both were happy and loved each other so much. At some point they dreamed of a possible future together and put all the enthusiasm and faith to build that future. Can you imagine going back to that place? If you can imagine it, chances are you can get there with the right process.
DO I WANT SEPARATION OR DO I WANT A BETTER MARRIAGE?
There’s a significant difference between a depressed marriage and an un-salvageable one. Married couples usually have complaints that they’re considering divorce in cases where they’re dealing with problems which are normal, although hard which have turned out to be a struggle to fix it by themselves. It is better that you take a vacation which might help you relax a bit.
Do you really want to live your life without your partner or you’re angry, upset, frustrated, bored or dazzled with someone else? Think carefully consider if that’s what you want. After all, divorce means the end of life with someone as we know it, with all the benefits and harms that entails. It is a big change. If you are angry then you may go for a vacation alone with your friends. If your relationship lacks passion then why not try for a romantic vacation which will be different from your normal routine and ignite some fire in your relationship. Well, it worth trying once.
HAVE I TRIED EVERYTHING TO SAVE THE RELATIONSHIP?
You’re already convinced you did everything, but have you tried going to a therapist? Maybe you can try before taking the final decision. What you lose? If it really helps you continue your relationship, you can clarify many things about what failed and why. If noting works then you can opt for divorce and use the advice later in another relationship. Perhaps you had tried consulting, but your therapist was not the one or perhaps you both were not honest with what they said in the sessions.
Not every couples counseling therapy is designed equally for every couple. If perhaps you’re observing a couples therapy to make improvement in your marriage and it is not helping then it’s certainly not an indicator that it’s time to breakup. If you believe that your relationship can be given a chance then it is definitely worth preventing from separation. You can think about it the last time to consult a different therapist that can help to save your marriage. Think about it!
These are the best questions to ask yourself before thinking for divorce as it will help you stay clear while making your decision. Anyway, you never stay in the bubble of indecision for long because this will damage yourself and everyone around you. Heartbreak, living apart under the same roof is like a disease that will bring negative effects to you. If living with your partner is hell and you have tried enough to save the relationship then you should consider separation. This decision may benefit you both and your children who will be free from noticing your everyday fights.